"to-do" & "to-be"

"that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection, and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death, if, by any means, I may attain to the resurrection from the dead."

Philippians 3:10-11

well, as you saw on my last post, I have (maybe should say "had") been crazily busy. There are so many things to do and I was so obsessed with getting them done.
I do think they are necessarily bad thing to get things which should be done.
But I now think I didn't notice that "to-do" was changing my "to-be".


Searching for job (or so-called "Job Hunting") is very unique culture to Japan. 
I don't have enough time to explain to you here but, in short, we start searching for job through the winter of Junior year and mostly end of April or May of Senior year. 
So for some it takes half year, for most people 4 or 5 months to do that kind of work.
(you know actually working for the company until next year though)


well, getting a job is a once in life decision. yeah, I know I can change my job if I really want to do but even this job changing depends on my first career.
In short, job hunting is extremely important.


In my mind, I knew it and was doing my best.
I even had a season of a few weeks that I didn't get more than 4 hours sleep.
I was really into it; going to different companies' seminars and writing applications.....etc
There are always things to do if I want or try to do.


But I was struggling with my spiritual life.
I really couldn't find time to read my Bible, pray and having fellowship with other Christians.
I knew it was for the season and saw it as necessary sacrifice.
("Sacrifice"?? how stupid I was "sacrificing" God!!)


well, God had His plan.
I met the guy who is manager at IBM Japan. One of my good friend introduced him, when I told him that I am really interested in getting a Job there.
So we met and talked. He is excellent business-man and godly man.
I asked him many things; about IBM Japan, works he does, career planing and getting MBA. well, at the end, he talked about getting a job as a Christian: how he struggled getting job after his college and on and on....


At very end he told me
"As Christian, I just have to do God's will. I can plan things regarding my career. But at the end, it all fall on submission to God. I know economy isn't good and it is hard to get a job. But God has His plan for you. Of-course you have to do what you have to do. But be more optimistic!!"


I was really convicted of my lack of trust in God.
I had known that God has His plan for me. But I think I was aspiring too much to find the plan by works of flesh. 
I spent more time on internet studying companies than in prayer. I spent more time readying economic magazine than reading Bible.
My "to-do" was invading my "to-be" as a Christian.


Well, I am really thankful for God's conviction.
Now I know what was wrong.


But the reality hasn't changed much. I still have to look for a job.
But my inner being is changed.
More trust in God, more confidence in Him, more optimistic in a positive way.


Thank you for your prayer those who are praying for me!


Love